Investing in Yourself, Investing in Your Family
We have all heard versions of, “It is hard to fill someone else’s cup if yours is empty!” Sometimes parenting feels like it entirely revolves around refilling everyone else’s cups all day long, literally and figuratively. Then at the end of the night, when a parent has time to sit down, they realize… their cup is looking pretty dry. The good news is there are many ways for parents to fill their cups. The experts all agree–being fulfilled will not only put parents in a place to be the best versions of themselves, it will also make them great role models to their kiddos, too. Being one’s best self truly benefits the whole family!
Mental Health Matters
Having a family is a busy business! There are people to feed, bathe, teach, play with, transport, etc. Having children is life’s greatest gift; every moment can be a memory made. But! In all honesty and transparency, it can be tiring. And stressful! So, when does normal parenting worry and exhaustion cross over to something slightly more concerning?
Mental Health Care Author and Therapist Alexandria Fields, MSW LISW-S of Inclusive Therapy, notes that “interrupted sleep, increased irritability, avoiding or canceling social plans, and feeling in a constant state of threat” are all red flags that may signify it may be beneficial to reach out for help and take the first steps toward healing. She also extends understanding by noting, “Please remember that any step toward self-care is going to be helpful, but the first step is often the hardest.”
Fields suggests starting with individual therapy and then trusting the advice and recommendations of the therapists. Tools such as journaling and meditation can help parents boost their spirits, but one of the most effective tools is the utilization of community (more on that later!). She goes on to recognize that “not all people who need therapy will require medication,” yet “if a therapist is suggesting a medication evaluation, hear them out! There is nothing to be ashamed of, just as there is no need to be ashamed of needing glasses, a cane, or medication for a heart condition!”
Seeking counsel can leave a parent feeling more optimistic, better rested, and approaching life with more calm. Therapy can help a parent feel more equipped to be a parent. For those who feel like the entire family itself is out of sync, do not fret! Family therapy is available at many mental health practices, including Inclusive Therapy where Fields is employed. “If more family members attend to their mental health, the ripple effect will be profound and can lead to faster and longer lasting results for the entire family unit!”
Get Moving
With benefits like reducing cardiovascular disease, strengthening bones and muscles, and living longer, a little bit of exercise each day goes a long way. Of course, all of this will benefit both the parent and the family in the long term. But did you know? The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) actually reports that physical activity helps you immediately feel better, function better and sleep better.
Take tiny steps each day towards making more movement. Every able body is capable of adding a little bit of extra physical exertion each day; however, it may look different for each individual. Do some simple stretches while sitting. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Park a little further away from the door. Go for a walk, then walk a little further the next time. Register for a marathon! Knowing limits and ability are important, but so is pushing oneself, too!
Owner of Swift Movement Studio, Seth Rujiraviriyapinyo, sees the benefits of physical activity in parents and their children in his studio regularly. Rujiraviriyapinyo remarks, “At Swift, we believe in achieving your impossible, and we see so many kids and parents learning to challenge each other both in and out of the studio,” and that “[with] each class, our goal is to have you be able to have done something you didn’t think you were capable of when you walked in. That confidence in yourself and having the support of others around you is something that can truly be life changing.”
So whether a parent gets moving all on their own or enjoys being active with their kids through parkour, playing sports, swimming, dancing, etc., parents are taking the lead and showing the way when it comes to self-care. Rujiraviriyapinyo sums it up well, “Being a healthy, active parent has so many benefits for the family. You lead as a strong role model, you have improved mental and physical energy for yourself to support your family.”
Find Your People, and Lean on Them
As a parent, it is easy to entirely dedicate oneself to family and lose our actual self. Plus, loved ones seem to be leading equally busy lives. Almost as if everyone’s lives are running parallel–going through various routines and obligations. However, if a parent has individuals in their life that are truly important to them and make them feel good during time spent together, steps can be taken to make sure those lives intersect.
Perhaps one of the simplest solutions would be for parents to keep in touch more regularly with loved ones through simple text messages, silly memes, gifs, photos, and more. It takes under a minute to forward something along with a simple message. Using time spent on the phone connecting with a real person instead of doom scrolling is a great way to get a mental boost. Getting a reply from a valued pal is sure to get those happy endorphins flowing. Be so bold as to say “I miss you. I would like to see you more,” and make reasonable goals to meet up more regularly. Being around individuals who are uplifting, laugh-inducing, problem solving, and fun will vastly improve one’s sense of belonging. Have a pal you can’t catch a cup of coffee with because they don’t live nearby? Give them a call during a routine (aka boring) chore like folding laundry or walking the dog. Invest in those individuals who are battery chargers, not drainers, so to speak.
Of course, parents deserve some 1:1 time with their partner (or prospective partner if they are out on the dating scene). Consider offering up a date-night swap with a trusted fellow parent! Host a playdate and watch the friend/neighbor/coworker’s kids while the child’s parents have a night out, and then the next weekend, switch and enjoy a date night out! The kids have some time with friends, and the parents get some much needed time together! Win/Win. There are also many businesses that offer parent’s night out events, and there are services that send babysitters right to the parent’s house.
Sadly it feels like the path with friends just… does not line up any more. Former friends may be in different stages of life, there could have been a disagreement or time passed and circumstances could have simply changed. No one deserves to be lonely, though! Parents looking to make new friends and connect with families who are in the same phase of life can head online to read Cincinnati Family Magazine’s online feature focused on parent groups, mom groups, dad groups, and more. Stay in the know and make some new pals in the process by visiting cincinnatifamilymagazine.com.
Being a parent with stable mental health, an active body, and a community to lean on may seem like an ambitious feat in the modern world. However, even making small steps to be the best individual possible will equate to being the best parent possible. Everyone’s circumstance is different, everyone’s first steps are hard, and everyone’s progress looks different. But every parent who strives to be a better version of themselves is going to be an amazing role model for their kids, and for looking inward and wanting to make positive changes, it can be suspected that a parent looking to grow is already a pretty great parent already.
You are already invested in your family, now make the time and invest in YOU. Fill your cup; make it overflow!