Surviving the Holidays: Conversation Starters

November and December are prime months for gatherings. And while it is wonderful to spend time with loved ones, it can also be stressful wondering what will cause that one relative to start a fight. Ugh. Whether you are dreading discussions with the notoriously opinionated Uncle Dave or you’re truly just trying to avoid arguments in general and keep the mood light, having a mental list of safe(r*) topics can keep things cheerful. It’s your holiday too, and the world doesn’t revolve around Debby Downer and Negative Nancy! So let’s all do our best to avoid family feuds (and awkward silences, too).

Consider chatting about: 

    1. Current Life Happenings: think about the person you are chatting with and ask about their work, schooling, etc. Light questions about current everyday life show interest without digging too deep. Avoid touchy subjects that evoke negative emotions, obviously. 
    2. Travel: where have you been? Where are you going? What did you do there? What did you eat? Talking with a traveler opens up doors of discussion with ease. 
    3. Extracurriculars: from pick-up basketball games, golf, gym time, knitting, antiquing, learning new languages and more… ask about each guest’s’favorite pastimes and share yours, too. 
    4. Food: who doesn’t love chatting about the best meal they’ve had lately, or the new restaurant in town? Note: avoid talking about food if they seem hangry, and promptly lead them to a grazing table, instead. 
    5. Entertainment: movies, tv shows, albums, books, concerts, etc. Pop culture has great talking points without any major elements to spat about. Just don’t let the self-proclaimed nerds start a tiff about Star Wars vs. Star Trek. 
    6. Pets: show off those paw-fect pictures of pups and kitties. Tell stories about doggy zoomies or the funny mishaps of Boots the cat. 
    7. Family Traditions: “Remember when?” Take time to reminisce about the past to bring up happy memories. Have an old photo book handy? Thumb through pictures from the past and have a playful chuckle at your middle school perm, look back at the former fashion faux pas and recall the time that the turkey set the smoke alarm off.
    8. This or That’s: sweet and simple, pose some this or that choice options to get to know all of the guests better. Examples include beach or mountain vacation, books or movies, pancakes or waffles. Trust us: playful banter is much better than heated debates! 
    9. Favorites: from favorite toys growing up to favorite advice ever received or even favorite fact learned recently, there are plenty of getting-to-know you type questions that are fun even for folks you feel like you already know pretty well. 
    10. Kids: most parents can talk about their kids for hours on end! Getting a mom or dad (or grandparent) to brag about their child’s accolades is a great way to keep a conversation going without derailing into murky waters. Of course, if there is a strained parent-child relationship, avoid, avoid, avoid and chat about something else. 

 

*Even if you have the best of intentions to keep things light and positive, some people just won’t match your vive. Do your best, set boundaries, and remember that keeping the peace is a good thing. “Let’s agree to disagree” and  a change of subject can be a lifesaver. And let’s be honest: toxic people are gonna be toxic. Let them. And stay tuned for our next “Surviving the Holidays” installment all about what to do when conflict DOES arise.